Last week in the Writing Closet, we listened. This week, we speak, but not of ordinary
things. This week we speak of our darkness.
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| What Happened. |
Something’s happened. Something you don’t understand. You’re not the type of person it should
happen to or you’re not the type of person who would do something like that. It doesn’t make sense.
People say things like, what were you thinking? What did you do to make that happen? Surely it’s not as bad as you say. Why do you have to be so negative? Why are you always such a drama
queen? They look at their watch when you
speak. They say that you’re weak. On and on until you learn to stop speaking
about it. You pretend it didn’t happen
and everyone’s happy.
It doesn’t have to be physically violent, although
it could be. It doesn’t have to be monumental,
even, except to you. What is your What Happened? Can you say it out loud, to
yourself, when no one’s in the room, no one’s outside the door? Can you whisper, This Happened, and still feel yourself safe?
Touched cheated lied hit cut stole betrayed
fired punched spied vandalised withdrew slandered provoked seduced abandoned
changed you.
If you don’t feel safe, then perhaps today is not
the day for you to continuing reading this.
Mark the page. Come back when you’re
ready. Before you go, let me remind you,
although you already know it, that we all have these things in our lives. All of us.
There is a conspiracy not to speak of these things, yet these are the
things a writer must speak. But before
she does, she must feel safe. Only when
you’re safe, should you write.
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| Not What You Are |
One of the ways to help you feel safer is to
separate the act from the person. You
are not what you did. You are not what
was done to you. You may be a person who
cheats on her partner but also loves that partner to distraction. Who you are could explain the Why, but what
you do, does not define the Who. You may
be a person being stalked by an ex-lover and you also help the parents of
autistic children. What happens to you
is your history, not your talent. You
are more human and more normal than these experiences, held in secret, let you
believe.
If you can speak about what happened and still
feel safe, you will write it. This is a
given. The trick is how you write it. We’ve been taught to follow that sacred
dramatic arc, come hell or high water, to reach a resolution. Popular entertainment teaches us that this
resolution should eclipse the What Happened.
Now I’m going to contradict myself.
Rather than eclipse it, think about embracing
it. Okay, didn’t I just write that you
need to separate yourself from the What Happened? Yes.
And if you separate yourself successfully, you won’t have to obliterate
it. You can change it into literature. The dark, like the right side of your brain
or your animus or your psychological shadow is bursting with energy that you
can tap into it. But how?
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| Play with What Happened |
When the EDL went to protest outside a mosque in
York, they were invited inside for tea and football. This is what you have to do. Invite What Happened in for a cuppa. Sit with it a while, get to know each
other. And when you are safe, play. And by play, I mean ground yourself
physically in What Happened. Let your
body feel the experience while at the same time, maintaining your own integrity
as separate from What Happened, just as you would do when immersing yourself in
a character you’re developing. When you
do, it will give things to you. Some of
these things may give you insomnia, but you will learn to use them.
My current manuscript keeps me up at night. Not because of structure and form, not because
of plot and characterisation but because of the question, Is it ever right to kill someone?
Euthanasia. Abortion. Death penalty. War.
Murder. Is it ever right . . .
This story is a blatant sublimation of What Happened in my own life. Well, blatant to me. There’s not a lot of killing going on in my
life, but the creation of that question did come from What Happened. And
believe me, it’s a lot more interesting than What Happened, because it takes
the themes of the personal events and puts them on a universal stage.
Which actually is the basis of most therapeutic
approaches to trauma. Research shows
that regardless of the treatment modality, the most important factor to a traumatised
person is reconnection to the broader community. The sooner that happens, the better her chance
of recovery.
We are, after all, social creatures. What Happened in your life belongs to the
society of US. Get yourself safe. Invite What Happened in for tea and football. Embrace it.
Share it. Say it out loud.
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| Eva Ensler |
For inspiration, read this interview with Eva
Ensler.
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